It's Thursday, September 17, 2009 and something is missing, the day feels strange. It's the first Thursday since May 7th that I have not gone straight to VOA (Virginia Oncology Associates) before work in the morning. it's the first Thursday that I haven't had to go see my friends "the vampires" and have blood drawn, or to see the two best chemo nurses ever to get hooked up to the chemo lines. It's strange how the absence of things that were so foreign and scary four months ago, create such a void and uncertainty now.
Chemo is rough, it causes horrible reactions to your body, but Praise God it destroys cancer cells. When I was first told that I would need 6 treatments, 3 weeks a part, I thought Oh Lord, give me strength. Now that the treatments are done, I pray Oh God, give me peace and sustain my trust. When I was going through the treatments I knew the cancer was being fought. Now that they are done there is this little gnawing fear that maybe there are still cancer cells floating around just waiting to strike out and grow. Will that happen to me? If so will it be right away (chemo resistant cells), will it be 6 months or 10 years down the road (cancer reoccurrence)? Ovarian Cancer is not curable - it is considered a chronic disease. I have been attending a support group for survivors of GYN cancers and have seen first hand that OC really likes to keep a firm hand on one's life. But one of the biggest things I have learned in this "walk on the beach" is that God is faithful, His promises are true and He never leaves us. If you ever feel like He is "missing" - He's not the one that walked away. Can I let the fears of a reoccurence control my life? Yes I can, but I am chosing not to. I am chosing to continue to conquer the hold that OC has on my life and to embrace each new day with faith and trust.
My walk is not complete yet, and won't be until the day I meet my Saviour face to face. But the journey thus far could not have been taken without the love, prayers, and support of my dear children, friends and family. I couldn't have done it without any of you. You are the reason I chose to conquer, the reason I pressed on when I so wanted to give up and you are the reason I will continue this fight. This walk has brought us closer, it has made us stronger and it has shown us how precious our time together is. One of the many blessings that I cherish from this jorney is the reuniting with a very dear "daughter"and all the time we have spent together during this ordeal. My dear friend Sherry, you were with me from the utterance of the first ugly words in the ER " you have ovarian cancer" and have been my confidant and chauffeur. You let me cry when I needed to and made me "snap out of it" when necessary - you have truly won your "angel wings". Thank you "My Gang" for all of the love, support, caring, sharing and sacrifices you have made for me, may God bless you greatly.
The battle's not over, but the enemy is locked up. My scans are good, my blood counts are rising and my tumor markers are shrinking. The effects of chemo will be with me for quite awhile yet, but I can already see the sun shining again along the shore. I will have more scans, clinical trial treatments, doctor visits and blood tests for quite a long time - but the sun is shining!
I covet your continued prayers, not only for healing, but for wisdom in making the best of the days ahead and forever giving God the glory.
Jason, Chandra, Annie, Lindsey, Xander, Jason A & Sophie, may our next "walk on the beach" together be on the shores of Atlantic Beach, NC.
My love and thanks to all that have prayed, helped and encouraged me on this journey.
Blessings,
Char
thank you for sharing that perspective. i have several people in my life who have gone through similar events and i think this will be significant for them as well. I praise our Savior for His faithfulness in sustanining you and your family and for renewing relationships. He really does work all out for good for those who love Him.
ReplyDeletePraises for your strength and continued healing. Continued prayers for your health and sunny outlook. ;o) Blessings
ReplyDeleteAndrea
Beautiful. This has certainly been a year of unquestionable need for new perspective. You have set the bar high young lady. Seeing and speaking with you each day and hearing the smile in your voice if I am not there to see it on your face, is an inspiration and it is a true reminder of what life is all about. Thank you for that Mom. You continue to amaze and inspire us. I am so grateful for the times that we are able to share with wonderful family and friends. I look forward to many "walks on the beach" full of sunshine, laughter, crazy running kids and beautiful memories. Sweet dreams Mom.
ReplyDeleteAll Of Our Love,
JCXS
Char, You are such an inspiration to all of us. You will have many walks on the beach! Your children are so wonderful and I'm sure you had a lot to do with that. My prayers are with you. Kathy
ReplyDeleteChar,
ReplyDeleteI am so very happy for you that the "something" to which you are referring is indeed missing. I am overjoyed that you will be better spending that time.
Your faith and strength are really an inspiration...as they have always been. Your attitude, never-wavering faith, and perseverence have been no surprise. You are one of the strongest individuals that I have ever had the privilege of meeting; and, I still strive to be (even a little bit) like you. Thank you for all that you have given me and how you have contributed so much to my life by simply just having been a part of it.
Love,
Crystall