Something's Missing...

It's Thursday, September 17, 2009 and something is missing, the day feels strange. It's the first Thursday since May 7th that I have not gone straight to VOA (Virginia Oncology Associates) before work in the morning. it's the first Thursday that I haven't had to go see my friends "the vampires" and have blood drawn, or to see the two best chemo nurses ever to get hooked up to the chemo lines. It's strange how the absence of things that were so foreign and scary four months ago, create such a void and uncertainty now.

Chemo is rough, it causes horrible reactions to your body, but Praise God it destroys cancer cells. When I was first told that I would need 6 treatments, 3 weeks a part, I thought Oh Lord, give me strength. Now that the treatments are done, I pray Oh God, give me peace and sustain my trust. When I was going through the treatments I knew the cancer was being fought. Now that they are done there is this little gnawing fear that maybe there are still cancer cells floating around just waiting to strike out and grow. Will that happen to me? If so will it be right away (chemo resistant cells), will it be 6 months or 10 years down the road (cancer reoccurrence)? Ovarian Cancer is not curable - it is considered a chronic disease. I have been attending a support group for survivors of GYN cancers and have seen first hand that OC really likes to keep a firm hand on one's life. But one of the biggest things I have learned in this "walk on the beach" is that God is faithful, His promises are true and He never leaves us. If you ever feel like He is "missing" - He's not the one that walked away. Can I let the fears of a reoccurence control my life? Yes I can, but I am chosing not to. I am chosing to continue to conquer the hold that OC has on my life and to embrace each new day with faith and trust.

My walk is not complete yet, and won't be until the day I meet my Saviour face to face. But the journey thus far could not have been taken without the love, prayers, and support of my dear children, friends and family. I couldn't have done it without any of you. You are the reason I chose to conquer, the reason I pressed on when I so wanted to give up and you are the reason I will continue this fight. This walk has brought us closer, it has made us stronger and it has shown us how precious our time together is. One of the many blessings that I cherish from this jorney is the reuniting with a very dear "daughter"and all the time we have spent together during this ordeal. My dear friend Sherry, you were with me from the utterance of the first ugly words in the ER " you have ovarian cancer" and have been my confidant and chauffeur. You let me cry when I needed to and made me "snap out of it" when necessary - you have truly won your "angel wings". Thank you "My Gang" for all of the love, support, caring, sharing and sacrifices you have made for me, may God bless you greatly.

The battle's not over, but the enemy is locked up. My scans are good, my blood counts are rising and my tumor markers are shrinking. The effects of chemo will be with me for quite awhile yet, but I can already see the sun shining again along the shore. I will have more scans, clinical trial treatments, doctor visits and blood tests for quite a long time - but the sun is shining!

I covet your continued prayers, not only for healing, but for wisdom in making the best of the days ahead and forever giving God the glory.

Jason, Chandra, Annie, Lindsey, Xander, Jason A & Sophie, may our next "walk on the beach" together be on the shores of Atlantic Beach, NC.

My love and thanks to all that have prayed, helped and encouraged me on this journey.

Blessings,

Char

Sunny Skies Are Coming

Good news is...well, GREAT news! Chemo Round Six is done and gone. Char is doing very well. She got tired very quickly after this treatment, however, she did not have as many of the aches and pains that she experienced with the last treatment. She has been on the move and has barely slowed her pace since the completion of treatment number six.

She took an extra day off last Monday to make sure she was rested and ready to go come Tuesday. As with many people on the central east coast, she seems to be fighting allergies so has had a persistent headache that does not seem to want to go away. It does not seem to be slowing her down very much.

Dr. McCullom and his team gave Mom rave reviews on her overall progress with treatment. He was very pleased with all of her outcomes thus far. Her blood counts were dropping of course on Thursday as would be expected. They warned her that she may still have some slow days in the coming weeks as her counts drop and then begin to improve. She was not too excited about this prospect, but knows that soon much better feeling days are on the way. Hopefully a few more weeks and she will begin to feel more like herself than she has since April. I know that she is very excited about the improving process! She certainly deserves many sunny and GREAT feeling days to come!

The experimental drug protocol will continue for nine more months. These treatments will continue every three weeks but are delivered in less than an hour versus the entire days that she has spent in treatment thus far. Blood tests, scans and follow-up with still be continuous. Her next scan should be sometime next week. We look forward to some fabulous improvements on that front.

Mom you continue to amaze and inspire. You are a true source of inspiration and understanding that a strong mind, strong, heart, strong faith and strong soul can certainly provides a positive impact in the continuous quest for health and well being. You have been and are working so hard. You certainly deserve the many fruits of your labors. Health, happiness, love and joy be with you now and always Mom.

All of Our Love,

Your Gang

All Clear For Number Six!!

Hello Everyone! Just a quick note to let you know that Char was cleared for Chemo for Thursday. This will be her 6th and final treatment for this protocol. She is very happy that this will continue with no delay. Mom knows the coming weeks will be a challenge and not much fun, but she is happy to be getting the show on the road toward better feeling days.

Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. They certainly continue to pay off!

You are going to do great Mom, as always! We love you dearly and wish you all of the best and most positive results and minimal side effects from this final round. Looking forward to having you back up in Northern Virginia very soon!

All of Our Love,

Your Gang

Enjoying Some Sunshine And A Bit More Relaxation Time

As often is the case lately, I feel that it has been too long since I have posted an update. I always like to lay eyes on Mom and see first hand how she is doing before I update the blog. Before I get into how she is doing and where things stand, take a look at this picture. A picture is worth well more than a thousand words. She looks great and yes, this is a Sunday afternoon packed with sunshine, grand kids and a journey to Norfolk Botanical Gardens. Not your typical Sunday for a woman nearing the end of a Chemo Protocol. :)

Treatment number five of six continues to prove that each Chemo treatment hits the body a bit harder than the one before. This cycle has been a rough one for Char, the roughest of the bunch. It is to be expected, just as treatment number six is likely to hit harder than number five. This week marks the third week since treatment number five and treatment number six is scheduled for this Thursday, August 20th. For previous cycles, treatment has slowed Mom down for anywhere between five and seven days. This time, she says that she is still not where she would expect to be from previous treatments. It has been eighteen days as of today. She says that she is definitely more fatigued, with more aches and more nausea than before. These symptoms have come on stronger and are lasting longer.

Again, seeing her in action all weekend, you would not know this was the case. We had a wonderful weekend of family, friends, rowdy kids, funny movies and a stroll and train ride through the Gardens. Witnessing her firsthand, she may take an extra break here and there. Knowing her well, I am able to catch a glimpse of an occasional deep breath and look of "Okay, its time to sit down". For the most part, however, she continues moving forward with minimal evidence of fatigue and symptoms. She simply looks great.

Currently, the schedule for treatment number six is in question. Last Thursday's "vampire appointment" showed significantly decreased white blood cell counts. For the first time, she was placed on antibiotics in an effort to raise these counts and to provide extra protection for warding off infection that otherwise her body would have a hard time fighting off. This seems to be having a positive impact. She says that she is able to feel herself getting a bit stronger since the beginning of this weekend. Tomorrow, she will find out if she is able to remain on track for completing treatment number six on Thursday. While her Oncology team hopes to stay on target with her scheduled protocol, it is important that she be able to remain strong and able to fight off infection throughout her treatments. We hope to have more information Tuesday.

As she is in all of our minds and all of our prayers, please send an extra thought and an extra prayer for the continued increase of white blood cell counts to allow treatment number six to proceed as scheduled and without delay. As you can imagine, Char is eager to check this Chemo Protocol off of her "to-do-list" and move on to more energetic, less achy, and less nauseated days. She certainly would not want that to sound like a complaint, "This is something that I have to do. I know what to expect and I know I have to face it and experience it. I will get through it. The next one may pack a stronger punch, but then brighter days are coming. I have five down and one to go. I will get there. I just have to get through this time first. And I am getting through it". I would have to say she is more than "getting through it". She is doing great, pushing hard and making it look quite effortless though I cannot even begin to imagine the effort involved. You are an incredible source of motivation and inspiration Mom. We are very proud of you. Keep up your hard work and keep up your positive spirit and God bless your strong will! Get that red marker ready to put a nice fat line through that to-do-list!

All of Our Love,

Your Gang

Message For The Day

Today's Message of the Day is:

Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Life may not to be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

Four Chemo treatments down and two to go. Char is doing great! Just a little example of how this can be described objectively...yesterday in Virginia Beach, the day started cool and overcast. Char, Chandra, Sophie and I decided to meet our dear friends the Cagnis at the park for an hour of watching the girls run on the playground. About five minutes before we left, I went to my truck to get Sophie's stroller. Well, in about 15 minutes, the temperature seemed to have risen about 15 degrees and the humidity went off the charts. Obviously, the clouds had been doing us a great service keeping the sun hidden and at bay. I was ready to throw in the towel, pack everyone in the truck and drive. Not Mom...or Chandra. So we set out. Now it is far from a long long walk, but definitely long enough on a hot summer day for anyone, let alone a woman who is in the midst of her fourth and most difficult chemo treatment yet. Did I mention that I was sweating like I just ran a marathon? Mom was just as cool and calm and driven as can be. We made the walk. We watched the girls run and laugh and play. When we were ready to head back, there was a car ready and waiting to take Mom home. Not an option. She was completing the task that she set out to complete...and complete it she did!

The last week had been a rough one. As we have previously discussed, each treatment seems to take a further toll. That being said, Char keeps bouncing back in minimal time and with minimal distraction from her daily tasks, obligations and desires. Since treatment started and since getting back to work, last week held the first day that she was too sore, nauseous and tired to go to work on Tuesday. She spent a quiet evening at home. Wednesday, she was right back at it. This weekend she was: having fun with the kids and grandchildren, cooking, doing dishes, went out for little shopping jaunts twice and went on the Sunday walk all in a 48 hour period. Before anyone starts thinking poorly of her kids, she insisted on some cooking and some dishes folks! We certainly helped and offered but sometimes Mom is just going to do what Mom is going to do and we were booted from the kitchen on at least one occasion this weekend. The weekend was wonderful but flew by as always. She never missed a beat.

Char is enjoying having the energy and taking full advantage of this energy and its role in her rehabilitation filling each moment with activity as she is able. Yesterday before we left, Mom and I set up a resistance, stability and stretching routine for her to begin regaining some core and abdominal strength that she has lost since her surgery. She is ready to go. I expect a call in a few weeks for some progression of this routine.

Overall, things could not be moving in a better direction. CA125 levels continue to decline. They are down to 14 as of her last blood tests. Remember that below 35 is considered within normal limits and she is at 14! CT Scans are showing no new growth or activity. Her white blood cell counts are rising and falling and rising again as well as or better than expected following chemo sessions. Platelet levels seem to have improved overall.

So there you have it everyone. Char is doing GREAT! She has two more cycles ahead of her. By September, this challenging cycle will be behind her. She will continue her study participation for another nine months, but side effects and time allocation for treatment will decrease dramatically. She is certainly looking forward to that day!

Mom, you continue to amaze and inspire us all. You are a true picture of the fact that a strong positive mind, heart, soul and faith does indeed have a tremendous impact on functional and health outcomes for an individual facing any disease or disability. Remember, medicine is there and your Oncology team plays a TREMENDOUS role in your success, but you and you alone determine how any of this will impact your life. We could not be happier with the positive focus, direction and drive that you have chosen for your journey to health. It will get you there and it will keep you smiling in the process. It will remind you to break the rules. It will help you love truly. It will make you laugh uncontrollably. Life may not to be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we should certainly dance!

All Of Our Love,

Your Gang

Past The Turn Around Point And Still Running

So, I continue to be tardy in updates to the blog. My apologies. We have been on the road and catching up from being on the road a lot these days. So now that I have my feet planted...or rather, my rear end planted for a minute, I wanted to give everyone an update.

Char is doing well. This third chemo cycle has been a bit rough. Again the effects of these chemo treatments are cumulative. The body is essentially being attacked by these drugs in an effort to destroy the cancer cells with the understanding that healthy cells are able to reproduce and heal themselves. Each chemo treatment takes a bit more from her "pocket at the toll booth". Have no fear, Char's ashtray, pockets and purse are full of change for these remaining three chemo "tolls". That's right, she is half way there for this Chemo protocol! Well, more than half way there because I am late making this posting.

Char had her last treatment on June 18th. She laid low and slept Thursday evening. Friday she was tired but doing pretty well. Saturday, her Northern Virginia Olsson Clan bombarded her for the afternoon and early evening. She looked great. We had a lazy afternoon and evening. The nausea, stomach discomfort, achy joints and fatigue were really starting to kick in. For the most part, they hung around through Tuesday or Wednesday. Then the joints started feeling a bit better. Sleep came easier than previous treatments but the stomach discomfort has been sticking around for a while.

Work has been a good distraction but is tiring as well. Char is being very good and following Dr. McCullom's orders of rest in the evenings if working during the day. Again, this strong lady only missed two days of work and was right back at it on the Monday after treatment. I think that the days have been taken as slow as possible. I know that everyone at work is really looking after her. She is able to perform most duties without leaving her desk so that helps as much as possible with the fatigue factor. I do have to alter my few times a day "Mom Call" schedule in the evenings. She is hitting the rack earlier which is great news considering the insomnia that she has been dealing with until this point. As anyone does, she looks forward to Fridays for the prospect of a relaxing weekend.

During her famously titled "Vampire Appointment", last week's White Blood Cell (Infection Fighting Cell) count was quite low. Her Oncology nurses and team gave her lots of pointers to help her make healthy and strong decisions to avoid infection/germ promoting activities and assist her body in its healing process. It sounds as though she has been playing by the rules and it seems to be paying slow dividends.

She has had some stronger days and some tired not super hot days over the last 2 weeks. Yet, she continues to inspire us with her upbeat attitude and overall position and mindset in dealing with these trying circumstances. Once in a while she may sounds as though she could use a nap. Occasionally she may kick her feet up in the recliner and take a deep breath. Once in a great while, she will say she needs a nap or heads to bed early. Aside from those small instances, you would hardly know that she was going through all of this.

Now, in an unintentional effort of saving the best for last, the CA125 level tests that Char takes after each chemo treatment cycle are showing excellent results. Normal levels for CA125 (Ovarian Cancer Marker) are under 35. After surgery but prior to her first chemo cycle, her CA125 level was in the mid-200s. After her first treatment cycle down to an incredible 32 which is within normal limits! But hold onto your hats kids...after treatment cycle number two...Char was running with the age of the High School Grads at the sweet number 18! So things are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. It has in no way been easy thus far for Mom. She knows that there are even greater challenges ahead with the coming treatments, but she is doing great. She is fighting, and working hard and healing well.

You are doing so very well Mom. You are so strong. You are so resilient. You are so amazing.

We love you very very much. Sweet dreams.

All of Our Love,

Your Gang

Back To Work Already?

So this whole "Chemo Thing" is becoming a bit old hat for Char already.  Ever had one of those days where you feel like you are on the set of Groundhog Day with Bill Murray?  Well, that about summarizes Char's Chemo side-effects comings and goings.  At least there is some method and routine to the side-effects madness.  

Since her last round of treatment, Char has done great.  The side-effects came on a bit earlier and some came on stronger, but overall she continues to be doing beautifully.  At her initially weekly blood test, or as Mom calls it, "my vampire appointment", her white blood cell and platelet counts were rather low.  By her second blood test post Chemo, everything is on the rise and she is ready for treatment number three this Thursday, June 18th.

With a bit of prodding on her part, Dr. McCullom has agreed to clear her to go back to work as long as she is able to flex time and get the rest and recuperation time that she needs after each Chemo treatment.  So she is diving right in on Monday and getting back to it.  Char is looking forward to more return to normalcy and is excited but a tad anxious I am sure.  Again, she likes to take big bites at getting herself out there.  Take note that she is returning to work three days prior to her next round of treatment.  I simply have to laugh because our family does nothing if not time things perfectly. ;)  

This week will be busy and exhausting I am sure.  Calls and emails will certainly continue to be so very appreciated but please be patient if not returned in a super timely fashion.  Something tells me that Mom may be finding some early nights to bed this week.

Mom, you are doing wonderfully.  You look great.  Heck, you had more energy than me on Friday with the four kids!  Keep up the fabulous work.  You are a beautiful and amazing woman and an inspiration to us all.  We love you.  Sweet dreams.

All of Our Love,

Your Gang

Rough Couple of Days But Better Every Day

So round two was a bit rougher than round one. Thursday brought sleep. Friday was restful and tired but good. Saturday was busy, relaxed, nice but tiring. Saturday night and working into Sunday the rough spot came. Sunday seems to be the day that brings the symptoms following a Thursday round of chemo. Aches throughout joints, painful muscles, difficulty sleeping, fatigue and overall flu-like symptoms tend to hit by Sunday morning. They reared their ugly heads a bit earlier this week setting in later Saturday evening.

We all celebrated Madison's Birthday on Sunday. Char was not about to miss it. As you can see from the pics, she looked great. She does not seem to let on or show too much discomfort from the symptoms. As I have said numerous times, she is a trooper! We all had a very nice time at Madison's party. Deby and Ernie did a great job and the hospitality was wonderful. The kids had an absolute blast! There were water balloons, a Slip and Slide, water cannons, you name it and if it pertained to kids and water, it was covered. Mom had a very nice time. As the day progressed, she became visibly fatigued and went in for some cool air and some lounging in the recliner and air conditioning. It was obvious that this just drove her nuts. She wanted to be out with everyone else. Ask my Mom or my wife and they will tell you for sure, I am a sap when I am not feeling well. I am either angry and frustrated fighting and pretending I am fine or I have my head under the blankets not to see the light of day...and we are talking about a cold. ;) Not Mom, she was mad that Heaven forbid, three days after CHEMO...she was having to take it easy. All I have to say Mom, is WOW, good for you.

Sunday evening, Mom did exactly what she needed. She went home and she slept the evening and night away. Monday came and the achiness began to simmer down. Now it was time for the fun stomach pains and discomfort. This took most of Monday and into Tuesday to subside. But don't you know it, by Tuesday afternoon Mom was running around with Sherry visiting friends, going to lunch and grocery shopping. Amazing, simply amazing. Now please note, I am an Occupational Therapist. It is my job to get people up and participating in their daily lives even when they are just status-post surgery or in the midst of dealing with an illness or disease. It is truly amazing how the human body, the human mind and the human spirit are connected and any one piece can have such a dramatic impact on any outcome for the entire person. Simply incredible. Amazing Mom. Your mindset, your determination and your tenacity are a force to be reckoned with...but somehow in depths of my brain where my stubborn little boy memories are stored, I have always known this. ;)

So today is a good day. If history repeats itself, Friday may bring the sniffles and a bit of a cold. These do not compare to the rough spot which Char is over the hump of for this cycle. Mom, we are praying for sixteen days of rest, recovery and good feelings from here on out. Two down. You are a pro now. You know you can handle it. You can handle it, you can laugh at it, and you just keep doing what you are doing. You are obviously doing it right! We are all very proud of your courage, your determination, your spirit, your sense of humor and your unwaivering faith.

We love you very much! Sweet dreams Mom.

All of Our Love,

Your Gang

Second Round Down

Today Char had her second round of Chemo and initiated the official Biotherapy/Placebo intervention portion of her clinical trial.  While her day was long and tiring, it went well.  She says that she feels a bit more fatigued and shakier than after her initial treatment session.  This could be cumulative effect of treatment, simple duration of treatment and time sitting throughout the day today, introduction of a new intervention or any combination of all of the above.  At the end of the day, she sounds great and was able to eat and drink throughout her treatment today.  

During these long days of treatment, Char is making some new friends.  Many of the people who she is meeting are also in the midst of their battle with Ovarian Cancer.  This is a positive thing as they are able to share so much experience, information, support and perspective with each other. Through her work with the Stephen Ministries, Char has provided much support for many individuals in troubled times of health and well-being.  Last night it seems that the support that they provide for others opened a new door for her.  The church that she attends is the meeting place for a support group called HUGS that is for women battling various forms of Gynocological Cancers.  The schedule could not work out better for her as it corresponds perfectly with her Stephen Ministries meeting schedule allowing her to participate in both.  She plans to begin attending at the next available meeting.  While those near and dear to her are able to provide so much love, encouragement and support, we are unable to share any true perspective or experience specific to Ovarian Cancer.  We are very grateful that she has found this opportunity.   

Mom had her follow-up from her surgery with Dr. McCullom this week.  Her blood results continue to show positive trends.  Her pertinent levels are increasing as would be expected.   Overall, he said that she is progressing very well.  He is not ready to release her to return to work quite yet.  Thankfully, Char's company has been and says they will be very accommodating with her throughout her treatment.  We are obviously very grateful for their flexibility and understanding.  It is an enormous stress relief for her.

Thank you to everyone for your continued support.  We are so happy to continue to be providing positive news on Mom's progress.  She truly is a trooper.  This Ovarian Cancer did not choose a weak and complacent adversary.  Our Mom is in it to win it. ;)  

Mom, we love you and are so proud of you.  We pray that you continue to feel minimal effects from these treatments and continue to experience the best possible results of your efforts and treatments.  We love you, love you, love you!

All of Our Love,

Your Gang      

Proceeding With Confidence

Courage has been defined as proceeding with confidence even when you're really scared and don't know at all where you'll actually wind up. These women have such courage in abundance. Their confidence comes from knowledge, information, thoughtful action, a sense of partnership with their health care teams, and hope. Why not hope? Statistics exist, but you're so much more than a statistic. When you don't know the outcome of something, all endings are possible. That is a kind of freedom.

-Gilda's Disease: Personal Experiences & Authoritative Medical Advice on Ovarian Cancer

Written by: M. Steven Piver, MD and Gene Wilder

Apologies to everyone for my extended absence and lack of blog updates. I assure you that moving forward, if there is not an update for a period of time, it is because Char is doing GREAT! No matter what chaos may encompass our lives, if there are wonderful updates or new concerns regarding Char's well being, I promise, all of you who follow so closely and care so dearly will never be left in the dark.

Today is a wonderful day! Mom went for her second round of blood tests with her Oncology team. All of her pertinent blood levels are exactly where they would like them to be. Basically, this means that Char is kicking ass. ;) Sorry for the language Mom, but there is simply no better way to define how well you are doing.

Thursday, May 28th Char will have her second round of Chemo and this is when the Biotherapy/Placebo from the study will be introduced into her regimen. Mom's only complaint about this upcoming event is that it means an extra hundred minutes or so in the chair on Thursday. Thankfully, her team is fabulous and she is kept very comfortable and is very well taken care of. We will continue to keep her entertained with books and music, though at times a nap may be just what the doctor ordered.

Over the weekend Char was a bit under the weather. She is not sure if it was simply allergies or a cold that she was dealing with. No matter, she kicked it in no time. Sleep continues to be a fair weather friend. Short periods of sleep seem to be getting her by. I think it is simply a case of a mind and body too used to nonstop action trying to catch up with a slightly altered pace of life. Don't be fooled, Char is not sitting at home on the couch. She may not have signed up for the Marine Corps Marathon or be putting in 80 hours between work, church and grandchildren quite yet, but her medical regimen keeps her quite busy. Luckily, she is finding plenty of time to restfully enjoy her family, friends and loved ones as well!

Mom, we are so proud of your continuously growing courage and confidence. Each day your strength, drive, focus, optimism and open mindedness continue to amaze me. I know that for you...all endings are indeed possible.

All Of Our Love,

Your Gang

Feeling A Bit Better

The last couple of days have been a bit blah for Char. Sleep has not come easy. Nausea sneaks up a bit too early for the medicine that helps to keep it at bay. Achy flu like symptoms seem to have become a bit prevalent these last few days. She certainly is not letting it keep her down. "Well, I cannot really complain. It's not like I thought I would not have any side effects at all. Besides, Dr. McCullom said I would be sore for six to eight weeks after surgery as it is. That was before chemo. Maybe I don't feel like dancing, but not like I ever have anyways!"

Tonight, Mom is feeling better. Not as sore, not as nauseous, a bit more rested. Her spirits are great and she is keeping herself busy for sure. She has been out enjoying time with "Her Ladies" a.k.a. Sherry and Grandma A, a few times already this week. She is enjoying her lively Grandchildren Lindsey and Jason. She has a steady stream of welcome supporting phone calls. She has a regular entourage of family and friends keeping her busy and keeping her within their protective wings. Annie is playing a bigger role in the house but seems to be taking to it without complaint. "I think she may even be enjoying it", Mom says with a little giggle. Mom's always run a tight ship when it comes to a clean house, so Annie must be doing great for all of the compliments Mom has been paying her! Deby is a regular at Mom's for a visit or some help or a ride to wherever or whatever she may need. Least I forget Paco and Lucy...well, suffice it to say that they are just thrilled. They have their Mommy there with them most of the day and all of the night to snuggle and cuddle until their hearts are content.

It is such a blessing to see that a true sense of family and community still runs strong in our world today. Thank God for it. The wagons have circled and the village is looking out for one of their beloved. Simultaneously, with no thought and no effort, this experience is bringing all of us closer together. All of a sudden the tedium of everyday headaches seem to be so much less important or dire than before that they may have taken away a moment to catch up with family and friends. While I certainly wish this bonding and enlightenment was happening under very different circumstances, it is definitely a truly welcome element of positivity.

Mom, keep up the incredible work. You know we are here for you no matter what you may need. We know that you are a do'er and are not about to sit and let others do what you can do better yourself anyways. If there are those moments that you could use a helping hand, know that there are many many hands just a phone call away. If there are those moments that you could use an ear or a kind word, know that there are plenty of chatty folks amongst us ready to share all of the latest scoop to make you laugh and plenty of eager ears to listen to whatever you may need. To all of those hands, all of those chatty folks and all of those eager ears, thank you for all that you are doing and all that you would drop anything to do for our Mom.

Mom, may tonight bring you restful sleep. May tomorrow have you feeling yet even better. May Friday bring you a good appetite so that a few of "your boys" can take you out for a nice lunch with laughter filled stories of our younger juvenile ways that much to our surprise, you always had the hand up on! We love you Mom. Sweet dreams.

All of Our Love,

Your Gang

Happy Birthday and Happy Mother's Day!

Mom,

There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child.

~Henry Ward Beecher

There is no respect, no gratitude, like that of the son for his Mother.

~Your Grateful Son

I'm really profoundly proud and fond of you, after my fashion which is inarticulate
about such things, and I know there is a rare feeling between us that ought to make
both of our lives richer as years go by.

~Eugene O'Neill

Mom, the more that I continue to learn from you, about you and witness through your
actions, the richer my life becomes. Thank you so very much.

Happy Birthday. Happy Mother's Day. Wishing you all of the health, love, laughter and
cherished experiences that you so deserve.

All of My Love,

Jason

"One Down and Twenty-One To Go!"

As expected, Char did great today. Deby went with Mom to her first chemo treatment. Once things were underway, Mom wanted to rest so Deby gave her some time to relax. Dr. McCullom said things were good. Her Oncology Team took very good care of her. She had been having some pain at her port site. They corrected the issue and of course were very gentle with her. She said she had no pain throughout treatment. She was as comfortable as someone can be sitting in a chair for the majority of the day.

Mom was in good spirits as always. Once the initial anxiety subsided, she seemed to feel okay. I do not want to speak as if I know how she feels but she said "First one done. It wasn't so bad. It went well." She ended treatment with a chipper "One down only twenty-one to go!" Another fear, another challenge shown its place at the hands and in the mind of a strong woman. Good for you Mom!

Expecting her to go home and need to nap the day away as she said she would, I called her at 9:15 PM and interrupted Grey's Anatomy yet again. I am famous for this. Thank you DVR. She was doing well. She had rested on and off throughout the day but was not exhausted. "The kids will be home soon. I will wait to see them and then head to bed." Grammy doesn't like to miss her babies. Nor do Grammy's babies like to miss her.

You did great Mom. As we knew you would. We are proud of you and how you continue to prove to yourself just how strong you can be.

We love you. Sweet dreams.

Your Gang

Do Not Be Afraid of Tomorrow

“If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up or fight like hell.”

~Lance Armstrong

Mom, you have found the faith and the strength to ignore all odds and percentages. You have hope but most of all you have faith. I know that this week has been tough and that tomorrow's first chemo treatment is yet another unknown. I also know that you are strong and you are determined and you are going to fight like hell.


You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Over the last several weeks, you have looked fear in the face and made it back down many times. Each time, I know that its takes a brief toll, but I also know that it is helping you gain strength, gain courage and gain confidence. Each experience is proving to you that you can take this. You can fight this. You can do this.

Do not be afraid of tomorrow; for God is already there.

~Author Unknown

I think that this quote says it all.

We love you Mom. We are here for you no matter what you need. We are thinking about you and praying with you every moment. You are going to do great things tomorrow. Once you take that first deep breath while sitting in that chair tomorrow, you will have already conquered another challenge in your journey. You will have stared fear down yet again. That will be one more unknown crossed off of your list. You can take this. You can fight this. You can do this. We are very proud of you. We love you very much.

All of Our Love,

Your Gang

The Mind of a Child...Creates The Perfect Medicine

This weekend we had an early celebration for Mom's Birthday.  It was wonderfully laughter and love filled, just the way that all Birthdays should be.  Dr. Sophie, Dr. Lindsey, Dr. Madison, Dr. Xander and Dr. Jason all prescribed their fair dose of laughter and ear plug necessary good times for all!  The kids kept things very exciting and entertaining for all of us.  Mom, I hope that it was not peace and relaxation that you were seeking this weekend, because Lord knows you didn't get it.  

The weekend was full of family and friends.  Saturday the kids wore "Uncle" Jason out jumping on the trampoline.  We had a fabulous get together for Mom's Birthday dinner on Saturday night.  Fifteen people gathered around a table just big enough but just intimate enough for a wonderful night.  Mom, Sherry, Grandma A, Annie, Lindsey, Little Jason, Deby, Ernie, Madison, Cameron, Amanda, Chandra, Xander, Sophie and I enjoyed a great dinner followed by some incredible Cold Stone Ice Cream cakes.  It really was a lot of fun.

Sunday, Mom, Sherry and I went to an incredibly lively and uplifting church service.  Then Mom, Annie and Chandra went shopping.  Ernie was laying a new tile floor in the kids bathroom while the kids ran, played and wreaked exuberant havoc on the house.  "Uncle" Jason was again summoned to the trampoline for a cousin filled afternoon of jumping, running, laughing and screaming.  Deby was very gracious and assisted with this duty.  And then somehow, we found it in our stomachs to have yet another great meal prepared by Mom in Mom's Kitchen.  Those are always the best.  Oh yeah, of course then we had to polished off the Cold Stone.  We had such a nice weekend.  

Mom, we hope the quiet was a welcome surprise today.  This is going to be a busy week for Char.  Today she had her surgical consultation to the implantation of the port through which her chemo will be delivered.  She and Deby will be at Virginia Beach General at 6:00 AM Tuesday for this out-patient procedure.  Then, no rest...or food unfortunately for the wicked, and its off to chug some radioactive dye in prep for another round of CT scans.  From there hopefully Mom will enjoy an amazing dinner to celebrate her daily conquest and fasting.  Wednesday should bring some peace, quiet and rest time in prep for for Round One of Chemo on Thursday.

Mom, you are going to do awesome!  I know it is going to be a busy week, but this is what you have been preparing for.  It is time to jump in feet first and fight this fight that you have been training for.  Everyone is on your side and screaming in your corner.  You are in the thoughts and prayers of more people than you can even imagine.  God is looking after you always.  You are going to do incredibly! 

All of Our Love,   

Your Gang

P.S. There will be more picture postings to come from the weekend.  Genius that I am, left our camera's memory card on Annie's computer desk in Virginia Beach and drove back to Arlington.  It is en route and I promise to post more as soon as USPS can deliver it to me. 

Bald is Beautiful Baby!

Mom, Annie and Chandra had a lot of fun picking out the perfect "Hair Prosthesis" a.k.a "Wig" for Mom this weekend.  As you can see, there was plenty of laughing and good cheer to help celebrate this event.

"Celebration is a kind of food we all need in our lives, and each individual brings a special recipe or offering, so that together we will make a great feast.  Celebration is a human need that we must not, and cannot deny.  It is richer and fuller when many work and then celebrate together".

-Corita Kent and Jan Stewart in Learning by Heart

Choose The Bolder...

"When you cannot make up your mind between two evenly balanced courses of action, choose the bolder".

-  W. J. Slim

Today, Char reached a difficult decision regarding her course of treatment.  She is going to move  forward with the clinical trial for Bevacizumab.  Bevacizumab is a drug currently approved for use in late stage Colon, Lung and Breast Cancer.  It has shown some promising results in early human testing on combating tumor growth and formation in woman with recurrent Ovarian Epithelial Cancer.  In addition to the standard protocol for Chemotherapy, the idea is that Bevacizumab will assist in fighting the potential of future recurrence of tumor growth and formation.  She has an appointment tomorrow at 2:00 PM to finalize paperwork and assessments, schedule further testing and to set her initial chemo appointment.  

The medical and scientific portion of my brain is a solid proponent of clinical trials in the interest of health, science and a better life for generations to come.  The son side of my brain, as my friend Heather informed me it would, was having difficulty with the idea of my Mom taking part in a clinical trial with uncertain interventions, uncertain outcomes and some scary potential side effects.  

This challenging decision for Mom to make caused me to reflect on the true selflessness of an individual committing to such a clinical trial.  There is no certainty of the personal health benefit from clinical trials.  There is no guaranteed treasure for your time, your labors and your sacrifices.  There is no cost savings on treatment.  Certainly, when a person commits to a clinical trial there is hope of a potential new medical advancement that could positively impact their journey.  But truly when they commit themselves they are dedicating themselves as one piece of an enormously complex medical puzzle that down the road, who knows how many years or how many generations, just may help another person fight a battle for their health and for their life.  That is an incredibly noble, selfless and wonderful gift for an individual to give.  

Mom, thank you for this gift that you are giving.  To everyone who has committed and sacrificed to get medical advancements to where they are today so that my Mom has a great chance at a healthy life where she will be an active loving part of my children's lives, thank you so very very much.  

Love,

Char's Gang

Caterpillar in the tree...

I was sitting in a movie theater w/ Lindsey & a friend on Easter Sunday, watching none other than, you guessed it, "Hannah Montana", a movie I wasn't expecting to like to much, but hey, we do these things to make our kids happy, right? As the movie went on & different songs were sung, one song in particular sung by Miley Cyrus & her father really hit me, & brought tears to my eyes. Suddenly, I remembered being a little girl scared to try something new, or too shy to talk to someone, & there was always this voice, my mothers voice telling me to go for it, you can do anything you set your mind to. As I grew older, I made some really dumb choices, got into worlds of trouble, & now in my adult life am facing very stressful situations as a parent & with my job, my mom has ALWAYS been there, She is my rock, my everything, without her, I would not be who I am today. My biggest dream as a mother is to be as wonderful of a mother to Lindsey & Jason as my mom has been to me. There have been so many times I have just wanted to give up, I was tired of fighting, but mom is always there pushing me along, helping me to be strong. I saw myself as the little girl she was singing about & it reminded me of just how mom always is, she's ALWAYS been there to comfort me, encourage me, & to catch me when I fall. I wanted to share the words to the song with you mom, so that you know everything you do & have done for us has never gone un-noticed & how much I love you! You mean the world to me!!!

Caterpillar in the tree...

By Miley & Billy Ray Cyrus

You tucked me in, turned out the light,

kept me safe & sound at night.

Little girls depend on things like that.

you brushed my teeth & combed my hair,

had to drive me everywhere,

you were always there when I look back.

You had to do it all alone, make a living, make a home,

It must have been as hard as it could be.

And when I couldn't sleep at night,

scared things wouldnt turn out right,

you would hold my hand & sing to me:

Caterpillar in the tree, how you wonder who you'll be,

can't go far but you can always dream.

Wish you may & wish you might,

don't you worry, hold on tight,

I promise you there will come a day,

Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away,

You got your wings now you can't stay,

take those dreams & make them all come true.

Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away,

You've been waiting for this day,

all along you've known just what to do.

Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly,

Butterfly fly away!

I love you mom, with all my heart, I am here for you every step of the way! It is beacuse of your love & support throughout all my trials & tribulations, that I am who I am today. I know I don't say it as much as I should, but not a day goes by that I don't thank God for giving me the best mother in the world. I love you mama!!!

Love always,
Ann Marie =)

(ps: for those of you reading, I wrote this under moms name cuz I'm not very good w/ computers, so I don't know how to do it under my own name.LOL! Sorry, my brother got the brains, but at least I got the looks! haha! Love you too Jay!)

A Plan...Yet Tough Decisions To Be Made

So today was the next big step.  Char met with Dr. McCullom and the folks at Virginia Oncology Associates for her first post-surgical out-patient visit.  Our dear family friend and Mom's "Right Hand Woman", Sherry was at her side, at her service and her partner in crime as always.  Thank you Sherry.  

It happens that Mom may have been feeling a tad cooped up these last few weeks.  You see, her first trip from home turned into a twelve hour day of appointments, lunch with the girls, running around for visits and ladies night at Blockbuster.  I had to laugh when I chatted with her at 9:45 PM and she had just gotten home a short while ago.  Good for you Mom!  Way to hit the ground running.  I will tell Annie to have coffee ready in the morning.  I have a feeling you may need a cup or three.  As your son and as a therapist, I applaud your "I am not going to sit on the sidelines attitude".  That was a brave thing to get out there and push yourself today.  More importantly, it was a great thing to get out there and enjoy yourself.  We are very happy that you did!

We all went into today expecting some answers, some news and some decisions.  Well, we got some of each and all of none.  Here are a few key points:

• Staples gone.  YEAH!!!
  
• Diagnosis is Stage IIIC Ovarian Epithelial Cancer
  
• Chemotherapy protocol tentatively scheduled to start next week
  
• Chemotherapy protocol will consist of Intravenous (IV) administration of Carboplatin and Paclitaxel over 6 cycles of 21 days each.  In other words, she will start Day One receiving chemo treatment on an out-patient basis followed by 3 weeks at home to recover, rest and let the "good stuff" work its magic in preparation for the next cycle.
  
• Decisions need to be made as to whether or not Mom will choose to participate in a clinical trial for a new potential treatment protocol for women with new diagnosis of Epithelial Ovarian Cancer.  Technical jargon title of trial is: Phase III Randomized Study of Carboplatin and Paclitaxel Versus Carboplatin, Paclitaxel, and Concurrent Bevacizumab With Versus Without Extended Bevacizumab in Patients With Stage III or IV Ovarian Epithelial, Primary Peritoneal Cancer, or Fallopian Tube Cancer.  In this trial, she would receive the standard IV protocol of Carboplatin and Paclitaxel over 6 cycles.  In addition, she would either receive continued treatment with: a placebo, IV administered Bevacizumab (a Bio Therapy) or IV administered Bevacizumab for an extended period of time.  Being a double blind random study, Mom nor her Oncology team chooses or knows whether or not she will be receiving the Bevacizumab or the placebo.  There has been research that proves there can be some benefit from Bevacizumab alone in decreasing the size of tumors and/or showing no active tumor formation over a six month period.  The size of this trial and the backing of this trial are impressive.  There are many many amazing institutions and Oncologists taking part in conducting this trial.  There is also a laundry list of potential side effects that were not so easy to swallow once we learned more.  We still have some questions for her Oncology team before Mom will be prepared to make her decision about this trial.  We hope to have these questions answered within the next day or two so that Mom can have at least "a minute" to digest the information prior to finalizing her decision. 
  

So, there is a plan.  IV administered chemotherapy will start within a week or so.  The drugs of choice have been determined.  Now we get more answers and Mom makes HER choice as to what treatment protocol she feels is best for HER.  It is likely that the answer will be either she chooses to participate in this trial or she chooses to follow the standard IV chemo treatment protocol discussed.  We will provide more updates as they become available over the next few days.    

Thank you all for your thoughts, your prayers, your encouragement and your support.  Please keep all kinds of positivity and prayer coming her way.  It means more than we can express and it is definitely felt.  Also, please be patient, as for all of us emotions are running rampant from one moment to the next right now.  Once in a while Char maybe sad, or angry, or well.. just plain pissed as hell and that is perfectly fine, perfectly normal and COMPLETELY understandable.  Don't worry though, she never lets us get away with that for too long.  Nor shall we let her. ;)

Love to everyone.

Char's Gang